alex barrie
April 17, 2014
has been removed from his native habitat
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- witty remarks -

- Old Man Gleason -


September 28, 2004


The man you see above is my new landlord. His name is old man Gleason, but most people call him lunchbox. One time I made him a garlic sandwich but he didn't eat it. He has a medal that says 'computer science' on it, but he won't wear it to his programming contests because it would intimidate the other programmers. Anyway, I can do work for him in exchange for rent now. Fix some pipes - 1/4 of a rent; Take over his dish day - 1/16 if a rent; make the garlic sandwich - unfortunately, no rent units. He is wearing a shirt with a picture of his own face on it because he is awesome. You know it is his face because it has a G for Gleason.

As previously posted, my current house has a fairly large set of problems. We mentioned these problems to the realtor on more than one occasion with no response. So then one day we get a certified letter in the mail. It says that we are in violation of the lease on two accounts:


  • Illegal removal of screen door from front of house
  • Old chair on front porch

The first problem is that we did not remove the screen door from the house, as the screen door was never on the house to begin with. We brought it over from the apartment with the intention of putting in on the back door. I suppose TNT saw it sitting on the porch and assumed that they had installed it and immediately forgotten. The comment about the chair, while more understandable, seems to imply that a newer chair would not have been in violation. It is only because it is an 'old chair' that we are in violation of the lease. Of course I wanted to get rid of it as much as anyone since it was so ugly and had no function seeing as how it had no cushions. The chair was originally from the dumpster. It wasn't even fresh like the rest of out furniture (which is also from the dumpster,) it was leftovers after the local gypsies picked over everything worth taking. Joe and I said we wanted nothing to do with that chair, but Andrew insisted that it would somehow be useful even though the sitting area was missing a substantial amount of load bearing material and could not support any weight. So andrew made us lug it over here in the uhaul only to have it sit on the porch until we got cited by the realtor, at which point we moved it to the basement wher it sits today. I guess he is still hoping that it will one day prove useful and his extreme cheapness will be vindicated.

So we are pretty angry at the realtor about not fixing any of the problems with the house, and now we had just received a certified letter alerting us to the fact that we illegally removed the screen door that we bought and never installed. We responded with our own certified letter that, while not as scathing as my original draft, was still apparently fairly scathing. The next morning after they reveived it, the brigade of fatties that works at TNT were at the door demanding to come in and inspect the house. They were under the impression that we had never reported any of the problems that we had reported on several occasions so they were upset that we sent them a certified letter. This sentiment of theirs only proves the fact that we needed to send the letter, since they clearly cannot handle remembering or even writing down problems reported over the phone or in person.

So they were pretty angry at us and said the would fix some things but that joe had to repaint his room to white and allen had to move out so that we were back down to the requisite three people. Joe wasn't about to repaint his room, since he is the lazyest person I have ever met. He also wasn't going to argue with TNT, for what I assume to be a similar reason. Therefore, the only logical course of action was to buy the house - which he did.

Joe buying the house brings up the secondary discussion of whether or not we would now be considered townies. The first argument against being a towny is being a student. While we may still be students, we are in grad school and have been here over 5 years. The next step to distance yourself from the school is to regularly complain about how the students are ruining the town. Our neighbors are jerks and we bitch about them all the time. I even called the police once when they parked like 20 cars in front of my house with no permits. The final, last hope, measure of still being a student is that fact that you are just renting an apartment and will be leaving in a year or two. As of now we can no longer even say that. At the very least, joe appears to be here for the long haul meaning that there is no denying that fact that he is officially a towny. It has been decided that he will get the animal house style sweatshirt and have 'TOWN' written on it as opposed to 'COLLEGE'